Of bronze and blaze The north, to-night! So adequate its forms, So preconcerted with itself, So distant to alarms, -- An unconcern so sovereign To universe, or me, It paints my simple spirit With tints of majesty, Till I take vaster attitudes, And strut upon my stem, Disdaining men and oxygen, For arrogance of them.

My splendors are menagerie; But their competeless show Will entertain the centuries When I am, long ago, An island in dishonored grass, Whom none but daisies know.

-Emily Elizabeth Dickinson

The feeling of anxiety is unpleasant to say the least. I've recently learnt how to keep it under control but it's always there lurking in the background. When I become anxious it looks like this. My palms become sweaty, my heart beats faster, everything feels overwhelming as though I'm drowning and I just need someone to throw me a lifeboat to get out of the situation. It's important to identify your triggers, for example with me, its disorder. I need my house and my room to be clean and organized to a certain extent. So if I'm in a vulnerable emotional state and there is disorder in my environment, I will fall into a state of panic.

"No need to hurry. No need to sparkle. No need to be anybody but oneself." - Virginia Woolf

At this point negative thoughts flood my mind and it becomes very hard to take control. I've learned techniques that help soothe me in the event because I can't always rely on loved ones to be my relief. The first thing I try to do is focus on my breathing, I count my breaths as though it is the only thing that matters in the world, evening your breath out helps slow the heart rate which calms the body and mind. Sometimes I'll find a podcaster or youtube video that talks me through the attack and assists me with practical ways to calm down.

When I'm feeling that type of way I know it's time to take it easy. I will light a candle, watch a show I like, make myself some comforting tea and generally bring myself back to the present moment. It helps to journal and get down on paper exactly what's bothering me because sometimes it's simply the feeling of anxiety that is frightening. I have learnt cognitive restructuring where I give my thoughts more alternatives to consider apart from the worst possible outcome. Maybe things will turn out differently to how I could ever imagine, we have such little control over the force of life and sometimes that in itself is hard to comprehend and deal with.

"Your mind will answer most questions if you learn to relax and wait for the answer" - William S. Burroughs
How I Deal With Anxiety

Nowadays I understand how common anxiety is. I used to feel very alone dealing with it because it's generally not a topic discussed over lunch. However, it is the most common disorder in today's society, one-third of all adults and children in America suffer from anxiety. It is the human body's way to react to stress and people lie on the spectrum according to their biological foundation, genetics, dispositions, and situations. With today's societal expectations, it's only natural to worry about how we measure up to the expected standards, it almost feels like there is always something that we could or should be doing to do better that we forget how to feel better.

Often people who have anxiety are hypermotivated and this energy can be chanelled in a positive way. If we can learn how to get past the maladaptive parts of anxiety and learn how to manage it, we can focus our mental capacity in productive ways. Exercise is one of the best ways to release tension and get a handle on stress. It releases feel good chemicals that flood our brain and give the sense of accomplishment. I have started practicing yoga and found it does wonders because it is not only strengthening my body but also teaching my mind ways to breathe through tension.

Reality Is Relative